It’s one of the great paradoxes of life: the more you learn, the more aware you become of the depths of your own ignorance. Try as I might to improve my knowledge, there are just some aspects of the workings of the universe I will never understand. One of those enduring mysteries concerns a certain type of behavior of a certain type of fan who attends a professional baseball game.<\/p>\n
I call to your attention the adult spectator who brings his glove with him. Is he playing in the game? Well, no. He’s watching from the stands. He’s a customer. So why is he bringing a glove? Beats the hell out of me.<\/p>\n
Do you wear a stethoscope around your neck when you visit the doctor? When you go out to dinner at a restaurant, do you bring along your favorite frying pan? Of course not. That would be very strange behavior indeed.<\/p>\n
And yet, there are some people who reach the age of maturity still operating under the delusion that it is socially acceptable to bring a glove to a baseball game. And for what purpose? Well, to catch a baseball, of course.<\/p>\n
Yes, a baseball: A bunch of yarn covering a core of cork contained in a shell of cowhide<\/a>. But it’s been touched by the hand of Max Scherzer and blessed by the bat of Bryce Harper! It has value, dammit! I need to have it, and woe to any children who stand in my way!<\/p>\n Every time I watch or attend a baseball game, I am bound to see a gaggle of adults scrambling for a ball that finds its way into the stands as if the Holy Grail itself had been dropped into their section. The only anxiety I have when going to a Phillies game nowadays \u2014 aside from the fear that the bullpen doors will open and Brad Hand will step onto the field, prepared to pitch in his inimitable “grope around for the strike zone as if it were a light switch in a pitch black room” style \u2014 involves the remote possibility of a baseball finding its way in my general direction as a pack of souvenir zombies crash into me, desperate for a piece of game-used memorabilia that will inevitably collect dust on a shelf. It’s a minor worry, one that a couple of overpriced beers can wash away, but a worry nonetheless.<\/p>\n Most of the adults engaged in this silly exercise nevertheless retain a small capacity for shame. They won’t bring a glove. If a ball is to be snagged, they will do it with their bare hands. Like a man.<\/p>\n But there is a subset of baseball-crazed fan who lacks such inhibition. He will bring his glove, consequences and opprobrium be damned. Nothing will stand in the way of snagging that most precious commodity, certainly not a child whose capacity for wonder and innocence needs to be crushed immediately. Take note of the most recent offender, which the team at Jomboy Media flagged and shared on their Twitter feed<\/a>:<\/p>\n This is it. The worst one of all-time pic.twitter.com\/b1w0ZjDh2N<\/a><\/p>\n — Jomboy Media (@JomboyMedia) September 6, 2022<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n